The birth of my IVF child cannot compensate for the pain of losing every embryo that stopped developing before it

Alexandra Nadane, Romanian builder of pro-life culture, has published the testimony of a woman who became a mother through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).

The author of the testimony draws attention to the imprint left on her body by hormonal treatments, the worsening of marital problems during the procedures, and, above all, the great moral burden that, for one child to be born, many others were created who either did not survive or remained frozen, waiting for a future birth that is unlikely to come.

In 2021, only 2.3% of the children conceived in the United States through assisted reproduction were actually born. The rest—over 97%—died in the process, either naturally or through deliberate destruction, or remained frozen. Read the official data here.

Please read below the testimony, which includes an exact report onthe entire IVF process, showing what happened to each embryo created:

---

I am a mother. Since 2021. I have a daughter, now 2 years and 5 months old.

I became a mother from the very first embryo transfer. From the very first pregnancy that stopped developing.

I am the mother of all the embryos that degenerated.

And, above all, I am the mother of the 5 embryos still left cryopreserved.

If the numbers don’t seem to add up, it’s not a mistake. It’s just life – life manipulated in laboratories. And nicely packaged under the name IVF.

That is the “miraculous” solution offered to those who want to become co-creators with God.

But sometimes I wonder how many of those involved in the process truly take into account the mystery of life, the divine will?

And how many really understand what is happening to them and where a simple “Yes” can lead?

I look at myself now with pain, recognizing my own powerlessness and especially my ignorance.

Even though I had access to hundreds of pieces of information about what IVF involved, I sincerely believe that no one really prepared me for how it would affect me.

I wish I had known that IVF is not a “band-aid” solution to marital problems; that the struggle to have a child greatly damaged our relationship—a burden filled with anger, guilt, and unspoken pain. And all this is not “healed” by the birth of a child but rather deepened when the couple enters a new stage of life.

I wish I had known that the pain of losing every embryo, every pregnancy, every baby who stopped developing would never be “compensated” by the birth of a living child. Nothing and no one can replace those losses. You don’t just move on as if nothing happened, even though that’s what you hear from those around you.

I wish I had known that all the hormonal treatments would leave heavy imprints on my body, and that these imbalances are not negligible at all. Unlike a mother who conceives naturally, I had to “reset” a body bombarded with synthetic hormones. This imbalance affected me both physically and emotionally, leading to further medical interventions after birth, which will surely leave long-term marks on my health.

I wish I had known that not a single day would pass without me thinking of the cryopreserved embryos, without feeling guilty for not rushing new transfers—especially as time goes by and my body will find it harder to sustain other pregnancies. It is an overwhelming emotional carousel: trying to fully rejoice in having my baby, yet feeling deep remorse for the little ones left in the lab, waiting for me.

I wish I had known that my relationship with God would pass through indescribable turmoil, and although I am aware that I was the one who said “Yes” to IVF, I admit that I forced the hand of Divinity. I firmly believe that my Maria would have come into my life anyway, if only I had had the strength to wait for her.

The IVF experience never truly ends.

No matter how much we tell ourselves that what matters is finally holding your child in your arms, the journey to that goal is marked by unimaginable losses.

---

Three years of treatments

First IVF – 14 eggs retrieved, 10 mature, resulting in 5 embryos:

• At the first embryo transfer, 1 three-day embryo was transferred, but the pregnancy failed.
• At the second transfer, 2 three-day embryos were transferred, but the pregnancy failed.
• The other 2 embryos degenerated by Day Five in the lab.

Second IVF – 14 eggs retrieved, 12 mature, resulting in 10 embryos:

• 1 embryo stopped developing on Day Three in the lab.
• 2 embryos stopped developing on Day Five in the lab.
• 5 five-day embryos have remained cryopreserved.
• 2 five-day embryos were implanted; one stopped developing at 11 weeks and 2 days, and the pregnancy continued only with the daughter I now hold in my arms.